Life Thru A Contact Lens

It is a supremely gratifying feeling when a person realizes suddenly, but irrefutably, that they are not the biggest cretin on the face of this Earth. Much as it may or may not surprise you, ladies and gentlemen, the species we are supposed to form part of is not, in fact, comprised solely of Homo Sapiens Sapiens, but consists mostly of some moronic modern variant of caveman, which has succeeded in disguising itself to fit the contemporary landscape.

The modern caveman is arguably even more of a caveman than its prehistoric cousin. At least the Australopithecus Afarensis had the decency to live in harmony with its environment – its diet consisting mostly of fruit and vegetables – and it led a rather healthy life in concordance with the natural laws. It lived in caves, ran outside all the livelong day, painted on walls, and brought home food for the wife and children.

The modern caveman has retained all the flaws of the Australopithecus – and it is sufficient to take a fleeting look at the courting ritual of an average young adult in an average Liverpudlian club to see how little we’ve evolved. The only difference is that, now, we do it to a crappy disco beat, while juggling two mobile phones (one Blackberry and one iPhone, naturelment) and trying to down a pint of beer (as well as your neighbour’s). We surround ourselves with shit we don’t really need, until we don’t know who we really are anymore. We think happiness is found in being drunk, or sexually fulfilled, or driving the latest sportscar.

The ideals of Mr. Darcy and Lady Elizabeth Bennet, of Romeo and Juliet – have only existed, exist, and will forevermore exist solely in the imagination of their respective writers, and those readers who still know what a book is.

Sure, we’ve had our Da Vincis, and Mozarts, and Gandhis. Visionaries and poets and artists. Paintings, and symphonies that would move one to tears. We’ve mapped the human genome, engineered the seedless watermelon, and we’ve stepped on the Moon (although some skeptics say it was an elaborate hoax filmed by Stanley Kubrick). But what good was all of that, when we are 10 years away from irreversibly damaging our planet through pollution and global warming? What use, when nuclear holocaust is always a mere button’s click away?

Better to be a caveman, than this supposedly “advanced” species we’ve become…

NASA has recently announced its plans to send the first astronauts to Mars. God-willing, they may actually succeed in finding intelligent life – because there’s bugger all, down here on Earth. Quoting Mr. Idle 😉

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