This Is Not Food

Is society dumbing us down? Or are we so dumb to begin with, that we leave society with no choice but to acknowledge that fact?

In a time when we get the sensation we are freer and more savvy than ever before – the reality is we are the slaves of things that tend to dumb us down. Society shines pretty things in our face to keep us in line. After all, its much more comfortable to lounge in front of the TV watching the latest re-run of God-knows what, or playing Xbox until your fingers catch fire – than to go out in the town square to start a revolution. Nobody wants a troublemaker who speaks out loud in controversial tones nowadays. Just stay in line. Just stay with the program. Keep it moving.

Whatever, I’m only saying all that to set up what I’m going to tell you next. Today, in the shower (of all places), I had the ultimate revelation about the idiocy of today’s world. The shampooing had been done, the facial scrub had come and gone – and it was time for the shower gel. Today’s choice: Boots Therapy Tropical Indulgence. Almond and coconut.


Applying liberal amounts onto the sponge. Inhaling the tropical scent. Making me wish I was eating a Bounty bar.

Out of curiosity to see which ingredients are contained in this miraculous shower gel, I take the liberty to read the back label. Typical British yummy label that makes you savour the product even more. About 10 lines down, I come across one of the biggest absurdities I’ve ever come across in my life. The Romanian absurdist playwright Eugene Ionesco would be turning in his grave. See if you can spot it yourself in the image below:

This is not food. THIS. IS. NOT. FOOD.

Now, I admit I can be a cretin if the situation calls for it. I’ve annoyed people to the brink of wanting to choke me before. I’ve been clueless in situations where the answer was right in front of me, much to the amusement of the improptu audience around me.

But HOW BIG OF A MORON DO YOU HAVE TO BE, to place a bottle of shower gel to your mouth and EAT from it? Just because it smells nice? People of Earth, please now. Let’s wake up a little bit. What? Is this it, ladies and gentlemen employees of Boots Company Ltd.? Have you really had complaints from people who had to have their stomachs pumped because they thought they bought a shower chemical AND a delicious smoothie? Are these the idiots we have become? The extinct Neanderthal is probably laughing at us right about now.

And if, by some ultimate absurdity, you do place the bottle of shower gel to your mouth. And you squeeze just a little bit onto your tongue JUST TO HAVE A TASTE….and SURELY, once you get over that little masochistic curiosity, you realize it’s bitter, it’s poisonous, and you’re being an idiot and you should go out and buy a smoothie if you want a smoothie. Probably try some counselling too, while you’re at it.

Jesus H. Christ. As if it wasn’t bad enough that we have all these thousands of varieties of shower gel nowadays when all our forefathers had was a bar of soap and a bucket of water.

(insert conclusion here)


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